I married myself in the glow of the Full Moon as my witness on the 7th day of the 7th month of 2017. It was 4am, maybe later and I had ventured off, listening to the calling of my heart when I arrived perfectly on time for my wedding. I knew exactly where I was and exactly what I was doing. I gracefully walked myself down the isle, crickets and grasshoppers sharing their song to the beat of my step. My ancestors and families spirits in the outdoor pews watching me embody my highest self. I stepped under the gazebo to meet myself exactly where I was, in all of my beauty and all of my shadow, in all my pain and all my pleasure, I was there to see myself fully. I said my vows:
“I Love and honor myself and am grateful to play this game with you. I promise to love and honor you through sickness and in health, through all the changes and through your heart’s ebb and flow. I promise to hold you when you are sad, to love you when you are fat, to hear you and see you in every single moment of this waking life. I promise to listen to your needs and tune into you as often as I can remember. I am here for you and I love you more then I have ever loved anyone. You are the one, my soul mate, my forever, my heart, and other half, to have and to hold, till death do us part.”
I wrapped my arms around myself and began to sing, “You are not alone, I am here to stay,” swaying and spinning myself to my own voice. In this moment I abolished the man I had been waiting for to live my life, the man who was supposed to walk me down the isle to meet the other man who would take over from there. I stepped into the responsibility of fully taking care of myself, of knowing myself, and crushing on myself. Watching myself, my play, my song the way a lover might and taking over the job of encouragement and validation. No one could help me feel embodied in myself, but me.
Marriage to myself is a daily commitment, a daily remembrance and choice to love myself through it all. It isn’t easy, but worth it, so so so worth it, like anything beautiful. And I see myself as that now, perfect and beautiful in all my imperfections.